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100 funniest thing we have read on a CV – Part 1

 100 funniest thing we have read on a CV – Part 1

We have detailed the section of the CV and what people have written below.   As these are real life examples we have hidden the names to protect the innocent and the spelling mistakes have all been left in, so don’t blame us!

Part 1 and the first 50 are below:

1.         ACHIEVEMENTS  – “I came first in the school long distance race”

2.         HOBBIES – “Horse rideing,like going pub when havent got my kids.looking after kids and doing stuff with them when they anit at school.”

3.         EMAIL ADDRESS  Lazysod@……

4.         ACHIEVEMENTS – “Being sober”

5.         ABOUT ME – “My favourite colour is Toupe, cos it rhymes with Dope”

6.         REASON FOR LEAVING – “It was hard work”

7.         PERSONAL PROFILE – “I be no stranger to double-entry. I loves numbers, and my wife and I loves journals and ledgers! Can also do tricky sums when I puts my mind to it. Computor litrate.”

8.         COVERING LETTER – “This is my CV I am intrested in any job opening use have avaiable if u could please send a vercation that you reciceved the email”

9.         PERSONAL PROFILE – “I do have convictions (drug offences) which are spent some 30 years ago for when I was 16-18 and have a caution for 4 years ago for criminal damage”

10.      HOBBIES – “Marital Arts” (Possibly meant martial arts?)

11.       KEY SKILLS – “Perfectionist with a keen I for details.”

12.       HOBBIES – “Space Travel”

13.       EMAIL ADDRESS  Batfacedgirl@………..

14.       EMPLOYMENT HISTORY -  “Whilst working in this role, I had intercourse with a variety of people”

15.       HOBBIES – “i like playing sport, which i fined gives me a winning appetite for life’”

16.       KEY SKILLS: “I would like to assure you that I am a hardly working person.”

17.       HOBBIES –  “enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians”

18.       JOB HISTORY – “Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse”

19.       SKILLS – “Fantastic ability in multi-tasting.”

20.      SIZE OF EMPLOYER: “Very tall, probably over 6’5″.”

21.       SKILLS – “Speak English and Spinach.”

22.      STRENGTHS – “Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.”

23.      SKILLS – “I have technical skills that will simply take your breath away.”

24.      MARITAL STATUS:- “Celibate”

25.      SKILLS – From an IT Engineer, “Have you tried turning it off and on again?”

26.      EMAIL ADDRESS  hotsexyluv@…….

27.      KEYS SKILLS – keeping family home clean, tidy and hygienaic undertaking basic DIY.operating domestic taskslike cleaning,washing,cooking.dealing with emerengencies smoothly.dealing with health issues,superivsing,supporting,guiding and organising children.

28.      CV GAP – Candidate explained his gap in employment by saying it was because he was getting over the death of his cat for 3 months!

29.      KEY SKILLS – “But wait…there’s more. You get all this business knowledge plus a grasp of marketing that is second nature.”

30.      PRINTED CV – Candidate sent over their CV printed on the back of their current employers headed company paper

31.       SKILLS – “I can type without looking at thekeyboard.”

32.      JOB HISTORY - “Left last four jobs only because the managers were completely unreasonable”

33.      SKILLS – “I am a rabid typist”

34.      HOBBIES – “My interests include cooking dogs and interesting people”

35.      COVERING LETTER – “I am extremely loyal to my current employer….Feel free to ring my office if you are interested in my CV”

36.      KEY ACHIEVEMENTS – “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”

37.      EDUCATION – “I am about to enrol on a Business and Finance Degree with the Open University. I feel that this qualification will prove detrimental to me for future success.”

38.      HOBBIES: “donating blood – 12 litres so far.”